I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I FIND MYSELF ON THIS ROAD AGAIN!!!!!

hildren are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Three years ago, after giving birth to my son, if anyone ever told me that I would be in the position of watching others get pregnant with their second child, and wondering if there will be a second one for me, I would hasten to tell them they were fibbing. I say this because my thought at that time, was that I was over and done with infertility.

There were four of us who were pregnant and the same time and now most are on the way with their second child and once again I am here with mixed feelings.  I am happy for them, but a little bit jealous that I am not once again sharing this precious journey with them.

I am trying to console myself by thinking that I am far older than these ladies, and also carrying around far less eggs, which is further complicated by PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and so there definitely odds against me. This is so far working, but at times I am reminded that life is so not fair.

I am so grateful to God for my son, and I know many of you who are struggling to have even one child, is probably thinking that I am being a bit ungrateful.  That is alright because I have said that about persons as well, during my struggles with infertility, and currently I do feel that way as well, but there are indeed times when I look at my son and want for him what I had in such abundance as a child, siblings to grow up and interact with. It is my personal opinion that a part of a child is missing when they do not have such opportunity, as I do believe this is a big part of who we become as adults.

We are not giving up hope though, we will continue trying and if no stork turns up, we will actively pursue adoption, as this has been in our plans for a while, having made the decision that our son will not go through life alone.

LET US LIVE EACH DAY LIKE IT IS OUR LAST.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

HEY HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?  JUST DROPPING IN AGAIN.

I lost an ex-coworker recently and she is being laid to rest today. When I got the news, I just could not believe it, she was the same age as I am. I dreamt it too and it got me thinking about my own mortality.

She died of a brain tumor and seemingly had no symptoms to alert her that she had this condition and so she died suddenly.  Those deaths, are really the hardest, as you have absolutely no time to prepare.

I cannot imagine, after all the heartaches of infertility, not being around to see my son grow up, to be a part of his milestones and so I know I must take care of myself, I must live life one day at a time, because after-all, that’s really all we are given. I must aim to reduce stress in my life and foster a thankful heart, even for the smallest of blessings and I challenge you all to do this as well.

I most of all, must value and nurture the relationships I have been blessed with, both family and otherwise, because we really do not know when those we are connected to will be snatched away from us, because “no one is promised tomorrow.”

Rest in peace Marvelette,.you are gone too soon and will be remembered by many.

LOW SEX DRIVE AND LITTLE OR NO SEX, AFTER GIVING BIRTH

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 and 4

“HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

I am still around and missing you all. Just got the chance to do another blog post on an issue that affects so many of us couples of childbearing age, and so often we suffer silently because this is such a personal and private issue. I sure do hope that this post will help even, just one such couple..


Low or no sex drive, is a very common condition for many women after giving birth. For some it can last longer than a few weeks and up to a few years. Up to even a few months after giving birth, in my opinion, can be seen as normal as the woman's body, while giving birth and afterwards, has to deal with a lot of factors, hormonal and otherwise, the greatest of which I believe is the adjustments involved in taking care of a newborn, and this very often can be further complicated with the presence of postpartum depression..


This problem also affects men as well because after witnessing this miracle of childbirth and all the pain associated with it, they  find it hard to be intimate with their partner, for fear of inflicting more pain. Some men, on the other hand, sadly, do not  find their partner's body appealing after childbirth, and still, other men, find that they are dealing with jealousy and resentment because their baby is the one who is now the object of affection from their spouse, leaving no time for intimacy.


This, as you can well imagine, can cause a lot of stress for any couple, as sex is that part of the relationship which promotes the highest degree of intimacy. There is frustration and guilt for the woman as she feels that she is not living up to her duty in the relationship and may even fear that her partner might be forced to seek sex outside of the home. The man on the other hand might be dealing with feelings of guilt because he has no urge to engage in sex with his partner, because the body of the woman he fell in love with is no longer appealing to him and to complicate things further,  now a little human being has taken up permanent residence on her breasts. Hardly a picture for sexual arousal.


I am hardly an expert in any of what I am writing about, but I believe life is our greatest teacher, therefore with this in mind, I offer my recommendations, which is totally all my opinion and what has worked in my relationship.


Firstly, in our relationship, we foster honest and, open and healthy communication, because we both believe this is the key to weathering any storms that may arise. As hard as it might be now, find some time to talk openly with each other, either when the baby is asleep or when his/her demands have been met and he/ or she is calm. Tell each other how you both are feeling and do try to see things from each other's perspective. I know it will be hard for a man to tell his wife that he no longer finds her attractive after childbirth, and it will take a very high degree of maturity, which sadly, many of us do not possess, for any woman to actually hear this coming from her husband, much less to see this from his perspective. After I gave birth to our son, though overwhelmed at times, I was quite aware of the fact that I still had the responsibility to maintain a certain amount of appeal to my husband, and I would implore all women to be mindful of this as well as this really helps.


Medical Experts have said that a woman’s body never gets back into pre-pregnancy shape after having a baby and I believe this is true.  It is very important that the man take note and understand this and appreciate his spouse more for giving of herself in such an unselfish way to create a precious human being, a symbol like no other, of the love they both share for each other. With this in the background, I believe the man will have no issue with the body of his spouse, after she has given birth.


Secondly, it is very important that the woman trust her spouse enough in helping her to care for the newborn, so that she does not become too overwhelmed and burnt out, thus leaving no time for her spouse. If each parent shares the responsibility as much as possible you should find the experience more enjoyable and rewarding. I wish I had trust and involved my husband more in taking care of our son, but he did whatever he could and I must say, this really helped a lot. as it allowed us more time to savor this very beautiful moment and also allowed us more time for intimacy.


 I find that when I am not in the mood for sex, and when I put all those feelings aside and just think that my husband and our marriage deserves the effort, I find that it’s the most enjoyable, so as a result, my theory for some things in life is, sometimes it pays to just do things. Put away all those feelings of not wanting to do something and do it, because many times there are great benefits to be had, which you would not have gained, had you not pushed past yourself and indulge. 


Lastly, compromise is a word very often used when talking about relationships, especially marriage and I believe this is the time when compromise is needed most, from both partners.
If you choose to use the above recommendations, there is a good chance that your relationship will be capable of pulling through any storm and, your child will be grateful to you when he or she is grown and find you both still so much in love and in tune with each other, because a couple makes a happy, healthy home for our children.


ALL THE VERY BEST