ANGER AND INFERTILITY

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

Infertility made me angry and sometimes I just could not deal with the fact that I was so angry. I was most times angry at God, for giving me the cross of infertility to carry. I was also angry at him because he made women with nurturing qualities and then this is frustrated because that which we need to nurture is being withheld from us. Why was he taking so long to fix this, when I was so earnestly praying to him and he can fix things with just the flick of a finger.

I was angry because so many things in my daily travail of life, reminded me of what I wanted so much, a baby, a family of my own.


But, is all this anger and stress good for our trying to conceive efforts? No, they are not, they just add to the problem, because the body needs to be a healthy place to conceive and grow our precious little ones. I knew this, I knew this so much, but I just could not help how I was feeling.


I remember when I was at (what I believe was the darkest point in my struggles), a conflict arose in my family(largely due to frustration from my struggles with infertility) and I strongly believe it was this conflict that is responsible for the birth of my son. My family finally found out about the pain I was in for so long, and could not talk to them about it, and this was a great part of the stress that I was experiencing. I could not deal with the fact that I had such a loving family, so close to me, yet was struggling alone.

This took a great big load off my shoulders and I was finally able to exhale. I was finally able to release a big part of the stress I was facing, because those who I love most, could now understand and support me as I so deserved. I became pregnant very shortly, and after a miscarriage, became pregnant soon after again, and subsequently, gave birth to a healthy beautiful son.

Anger and stress, as a result of infertility is understandable, but we should remember that they can further delay the arrival of what we want so much, a child and so, (as difficult as this may be ), we should try to remember this. Take some time to exhale then, scream if you want to, cry, whatever it takes to lessen some if this anger and stress at times.


I am finding now that when I write on issues that has to do with the emotional struggles of infertility, on my blog, I still find a little bit of anger creeping in. I guess after being angry for the better part of a decade, it takes time to get over it, even though I am not sure that I will completely be rid of it, because when I think back at the pain I was in, and what I was subjected to as a result of infertility, I must admit, there is still a little anger there, but this often vanish with just one glimpse of my son.


Whenever I read some of the posts of my fellow bloggers who are currently struggling with infertility, and see the anger that is there, I understand all too well and my heart goes out to them even more.


Here is a post from a fellow blogger who speaks on this issue as well, and please find a link at the bottom of her post, which speaks about anger and infertility.


http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/2010/04/infertility-makes-you-angry.html

Be encouraged, therefore and until next time, keep clinging to hop

 

HOW MUCH OF A GOOD LISTENER ARE YOU???

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

One of the reasons I kept my infertility to myself through much of my struggle, was because I was terribly afraid that if I talk about it to people, they would say things that would be upsetting and insensitive and in so doing, discount the pain that I was in.

On the few occasions that I tried to talk about my struggles, or people learnt of my struggles, there were comments such as:-

• You want a baby so badly, oh.
• She is over-reacting (this came about as a result of a conflict that arose in my family, largely due to frustration from my struggles with infertility)
• You are faithless and weak, and have no use for God, this is why you are going through this.
• Search your life to see if there are any sins that would be causing you to be going through this.
• Someone even said, if they were in my position, they do not think that they would be hurting so much.

These responses came about, I believe, because these individuals did not take the time to really hear what I was saying, to get the sense of what I was feeling and as a result, I was not given the support I deserved and was subjected to some rather unfair judgement.

My devotional today, speaks about listening and it is really because most of us do not possess proper listening skills, why we are not more successful and effective in supporting each other with issues that we face daily.

My devotional reading is kind enough, to give tips for more effective listening, and these are as follows:-

• Listen without interrupting – Resist the temptation to jump in and finish the sentence, or hijack the floor. Rein yourself in – just listen.

• Listen to understand – Try to understand the point of view, feelings, thinking and needs. Good listening is actually hearing what they actually think, mean or feel, not what you imagine they do. Instead of guessing, ask, ‘Am I hearing you correctly? Do you mean……? Are you feeling…..? In other words, don’t assume – verify.
• Listen without judging. Don’t rush to conclusions. If what they say does not really add up, keep listening. ‘He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.’ (Proverbs 18:13 NKJV). When you hear more it may make sense.
• Listen without correcting, countering or devaluing. Saying, You’re just being sensitive, you are over-reacting as this puts people on guard and stops real communication.

• Validate the speaker. Accept their perceptions and feelings as valid expressions of a valued person. ‘If I understand you correctly, you’re thinking….feeling….am I right? Ask them to help get you on the same page with them. ‘Given what you’ve told me, I can see why you’d feel what you feel,’ is very validating and will increase their confidence and willingness to consider the encouragement/ solutions you may offer.

I remember talking to a friend about my struggles with my stuttering, to which she responded, ‘No, you should not feel this way. You cannot allow it to get the better of you…..etc. She made me feel so uncomfortable, and made me also feel that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. When I told her about all the injustice I had encountered over the years as a result of my stuttering, she backed off and started saying, oh my, I did not know, you went through all of this, I am sorry. Typical point to what is said above, about listening. If she had taken the time to really listen to what I was saying, which I am sure was conveying the pain that I was in, I am pretty sure that I would not have felt so badly, neither would she, to the point where she had to apologize.

I challenge every friend, every loved one of someone who is encountering challenges in their lives, whether it be infertility or otherwise, if you find yourself being honored one day, with them wanting to talk to you about their struggles, the above tips are sure to come in handy.

Be encouraged therefore, and until then, keep clinging to hope.

Guest Post by Tania - Trying to Conceive with PCOS and Importance of Nutrition

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hand

Psalm 127: 3 & 4

"HOPE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE"

 

 

 

Polycystic ovarian syndrome or PCOS is one of the most common reasons why a woman is unable to become pregnant when trying to conceive. A woman with PCOS has cysts or fluid filled sacks on the ovaries, which can prevent ovulation and hinder normal functioning of the reproductive system. Though PCOS has been a recognized disorder for more than 75 years, the causes and reasons behind it are still unknown. Some experts feel it can be related to hereditary and others believe there to be a link between PCOS and diabetes, which is also plausible.

While most women diagnosed with PCOS will have an insulin resistance problem, there are some that do not. Ovarian cysts are common with PCOS, however; there are also cases of women being diagnosed with no cysts at all. Trying to conceive with PCOS can be very difficult, but not impossible, especially when a woman is proactive about her health and employs a battery of different things to address the symptoms of the disease.

A woman with PCOS and insulin resistance will have higher than normal levels of insulin and the body does not use the hormone effectively. Insulin resistance is normally handled through the use of certain medications and for some women; a special diet can also help alleviate some of the side effects. By working to stabilize insulin levels it can help with PCOS-related obesity and can promote fertility, making it much easier to become pregnant when trying to conceive.

With insulin resistance, some women with PCOS can find weight gain and obesity a very disturbing, but genuine problem. One research study showed that women consuming certain diets and having PCOS put themselves at a higher risk of gaining weight. A low fat diet plan may not be ideal for a woman with PCOS, a standard low fat-high carbohydrate diet may not be the best approach either because of the way the body converts these foods into fats. When fats and carbohydrates are converted to sugars, it can result in a fluctuation of insulin levels which can lead to a crash in blood sugar and overeating.

There are certain dietary recommendations which a woman can use when dealing with insulin resistance due to PCOS. It is recommended not to consume carbohydrates alone, but to combine with protein and fat in order to balance out the meal. Choosing foods low on the glycemic index will cause a slower rise in blood sugar, having more fiber content also means it takes longer to digest, which means insulin levels are more likely to remain stable. Do not limit carbohydrates so much that ketosis (incomplete metabolism of fatty acids) occurs; eating less than 40 grams of carbs per day is not recommended.

Other dietary recommendations for a woman with PCOS include spacing out carbs through the day and avoiding carbs which can trigger hunger or cravings. It is also recommended a woman takes a vitamin/mineral supplement to help fill in any dietary gaps and ensure optimal health. With certain dietary and lifestyle accommodations made, a woman can live with and manage the symptoms of PCOS in the healthiest way possible.

Trying to conceive with PCOS is something that can present a challenge for many women. When considering all the ways there are in which to treat and manage the disease, it pays for a woman to check into all the various possibilities. PCOS does not have to result in infertility for a woman and once brought under control through medical care and lifestyle and dietary changes, the chances of pregnancy improve as does the woman’s health.