As a child growing up, because of my love for children, I knew I wanted them in my life. I was the baby sitter for my neighborhood when the parents of some children had to be otherwise minded and so this is how I came to be convinced that one day I wanted some of my own.
Shortly after I was married, with this conviction in the background, my husband and I began trying for children, we tried for a year and when nothing happened, we were referred to a Fertility Specialist. He put me on the fertility drug, Clomiphene Citrate (Clomid) to help me conceive, but unfortunately nothing happened. I was later diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome PCOS. What was that I thought? it sounded like something quite horrible. From the age of 19, I began having very irregular periods, sometimes I did not have a period for a whole six months. This is unfortunately one of the symptoms of PCOS. (See page on my blog reserved to explaining this condition).
My specialist had me continue on Clomid but still nothing happened for a while. Much to our delight, I did become pregnant, and was later transferred to an OBGYN. This was not to be, as I loss this pregnancy at 6 weeks gestation, to a missed abortion. My husband and I were devastated and I sank into depression.
My OBGYN, decided to put me on Clomid again, along with some other drugs, Provera being one of them. I had a couple false positive pregnancies but that was all.
I was referred to another doctor, a good friend of my husband’s family (his godmother for that matter) and she put me on a course of treatment. These drugs were too expensive and was not covered by my health insurance and so I had to abandon this treatment without completing it.
By this time my depression was more severe, I find that I was withdrawing from my friends and from life as I knew it into a sad and lonely little world and I was becoming more and more desperate. Being a Christian, I was invited to a prayer retreat hosted by a friend, who knew the challenges I was having. I was made to tell my story, much to my horror, as I had not really told anyone the whole depth of what I was going through. I was prayed for and one of the participants of the retreat told me to take whole garlic cloves for a few days. I did. Soon after I became pregnant. My husband and I were ecstatic and as soon as we were able to tell our families and friends, the joy could not be contained.
As this pregnancy progressed, I found that I was not able to enjoy it as I have thought for many years that I would, and although all my prenatal visits gave us good reports, I could not shake the feeling, things would not work out.
At seven months gestation, and after my shower, on a routine prenatal visit, my doctor found out that something was wrong with the baby. I remember everything going black, while I was lying on my doctor’s examination table, I passed out cold.
Our joy turned into sadness, and a few weeks later, our baby died inutero. I remember after giving birth to our daughter’s lifeless body, I could not stop crying, I was broken and our families were broken too. I remember hearing that my mom placed her hands on her head and cried, ‘what is my daughter going to do now. I was even contemplating suicide, that’s how devastated I was.
God, along with this book ‘When God does not make sense’ brought me through. In essence, the book was simply saying that, it is not that we are targeted for bad things to happen to us. This is just life and the sooner we learn that, then the sooner we can pick up the pieces and move on.
I grieved for a couple months, withdrawing from life as I knew it, then determined not to give up, I was referred to a herbalist. He put me on a course of treatment for three months, and after that treatment, to our surprise we were pregnant.
This pregnancy had me on a roller coaster ride, understandably, because, ever so often I wondered if this pregnancy would turn out like the last. I held on to hope, my faith in God, and the words of a friend, who assured me that God would not allow me such distress again.
Our miracle son came into the world on June 16, 2007 at 1:30 pm, weighing exactly 7 pounds, via c-section and as healthy as could be. It is said that 7 is God’s perfect number and he is also the 7th grandchild for my parents. Could it be any clearer that God was at work here. (See his birth story on page entitled, ‘Our Miracle #2’)
About two years after, we found that we were expecting again. We were not trying for another baby as we were still thinking that we would just adopt company for our son. We however began bonding and getting used to the idea of having another little one around. Shortly after, sadly, I lost the pregnancy to a missed abortion, largely due to my PCOS condition. We were again devastated. Still embracing the idea of having another biological child, my doctor put me on a diet and exercise regiment and because herbs were what gave us our son, I again turned to them. I did not get pregnant as soon as I thought I would and I found myself going down the road of depression, self pity and despair again. I began feeling guilty that I was being ungrateful and had to have a heart to heart with God. I said to him, I apologize if I am being ungrateful, but we would really like our son to have a sibling. We are going to step back however and allow you to take charge and whatever the outcome is, as hard as it might be to accept, we will do our best to accept it. It was only then that I found peace and very soon after that we became pregnant.
Our beautiful daughter came into the world on November 17, 2011 at approximately 8:15 am, healthy and weighing 7.3 pounds and we feel blessed beyond measure.
Over a decade long struggle with infertility and we now have a pair of beautiful children to show for it. God is truly faithful.