GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 12

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there can however be a downside to this, if we are not careful. We could find that we lose ourselves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why are we not happy, why does our life feel so dull and empty. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.

There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have many other things to be thankful for.

In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', my gratitude journal, if you will, where I will, on Wednesdays of each week, post one thing in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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Today I am grateful for my in-laws.

I have heard time and time again of bad relationships with in-laws, but I am very blessed to not have this experience with mine.

The mothers-in-law are the ones who get mentioned the most as it relates to conflicts. I have had a few situations with my mother-in-law that could have lead to a strain on our relationship, but thank God, forgiveness worked for us.

I just want to use this post to honor my in-laws for who they are to me and my family. Not for one minute do I feel like anything else but family, when I am around them. They adore their grandchildren and seldom pass up any opportunity to help out both physically and financially.

For this I am indeed grateful.

HERBS FOR INVITRO-FERTILIZATION

Since herbs played a huge role in making my husband and I parents, I am always happy to share information on my blog about other herbs that I come across which can help in this regard.

This one I am particularly interested in because it is the first time that I am coming across one that has a part to play in invitro-fertilization.

Embryo Implantation Herbal Support (Prenatal Herbal Support) contains a balanced combination of herbs which helps in the embryo implantation process. 

I know there is a lot of stress associated with the Invitro-Fertilization process, as I have read many stories in this regard. Some good news then, this product is said to also relieve stress and prevents weight gain.

If you are so interested, follow the link below to learn more:-

http://ivfherbalsupport.com//ivf-embryo-implantation-herbal-support-p-2.html?gclid=CJSmlfq7ybUCFQGunQod6lkAtg

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Feature 11

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there can however be a downside to this, if we are not careful. We could find that we lose ourselves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why are we not happy, why does our life feel so dull and empty. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.

There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have many other things to be thankful for.

In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', my gratitude journal, if you will, where I will, on Wednesdays of each week, post one thing in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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Today I am grateful for Forgiveness. 

Pardon, mercy, amnesty, exoneration are some of the words used by the English Thesaurus to define forgiveness.

Forgiveness is hard work and can take a long time and I would imagine all of us have had situations where we need to forgive persons who have wronged us. Many times it is persons who have the easiest access to our most delicate self, who end up hurting us the most.

When I find myself having to forgive, I usually remove myself from the person. (Well, that’s a nice way to put it, but it is just simply malice). If this is not possible, I try to limit interaction with them. As this time passes and after much processing and over-processing of the issue, after getting upset and feeling victimized over and over again, I find that I slowly begin to move towards forgiveness. This involves taking responsibility for anything that might have inflated the conflict on account of my doing; maybe if I had done things a different way; maybe if I had said things differently; maybe if I had been a little more open about my feelings to them. After getting past this phase, I find that I am not as upset with the person I need to forgive anymore, as I have taken some of the focus off them. I have taken some of the power away from them. Believe it or not, it is because we give people the power to hurt us, why they are able to. Before long I am able to embrace that person again (albeit, cautiously at first) and accept them back in my life.

One of my older sisters once said to me, sometimes persons react according to where they are in their lives; maybe they are not able to process things the way we expect them to. Sometimes hurt arise when persons judge us without knowing pertinent information about us as well. I am aware that sadly, we do suffer intentional hurt at times and for this I would imagine the process towards forgiveness is harder. Some of us might to even get there.

With this said, my path to forgiveness might not be your path at all, and I am hoping it can be of help to you.  Sadly, many of us are not really able to forgive as I have come across persons who hold on to things for years and years. This is not healthy to say the least, it causes us to become bitter and self obsessed. Further, this is certainly not the way Christ intended for us to live. In Matthew 18 Verse 21 to 22, Peter asked how many times we should forgive our brother. Jesus responded, not 7 times but 70 times 7. How about that? From one who suffered so much at the hands of mankind and was able to forgive, who better to hear this from. What this is simply saying is that we should forgive, just as Our Heavenly Father forgives us, every chance we get.

For this, I am extremely grateful.

WHY AM I AN ONLY CHILD??????

We had more or less settled on the idea that we would not be trying to have anymore children, when we unexpectedly became pregnant. Our son was about 20 months old and my husband and I, after the initial shock had worn of, began embracing the idea of having another child around. We lost the pregnancy almost as soon as we found out we were expecting, to a missed abortion.

We continued however, to embrace the idea of having another child and took our doctors advice seriously, to change my diet, because my PCOS condition, which seemed to have intensified after the birth of my son, was the cause of us losing this pregnancy. I took the liberty of going on some fertility herbs, not by any means forgetting that it was as a result of a course of treatment from a herbalist that we were  proud parents of our son.

After being on this course of treatment for a while, we began trying to conceive. I could not shake the feeling though that maybe, God just had one child in his plan for us and even more so, many times throughout my infertility struggles, I had prayed that he just be merciful to us and give us, if only just one.

When we failed to become pregnant for while, I became even more convinced that we would only be parents of just one child. We sold all the baby gear we had purchased for our son, not only for this reason, but because we were moving from a house to an apartment and we needed the space in his room to set up for his growing years. I remember the lady who purchased his crib said to me, so you are not planning on having any more? A question I struggled to answer, but still convinced we were doing the right thing.

After we settled into our new space, I became overcome with guilt. What right do we have to deny our son the chance of having a sibling? What right to we have to think we know the mind of God? What if he is not yet finished with us, but just want our testimony to be fuller and richer.  The yearning for another child intensified and I had no choice but to give in.

Just last night, we were in the supermarket where we met a young man and woman  (not sure if they were a married couple) and a sweet 10 month old baby girl. We began chit chatting about everything from the age of our babies, to weaning. My husband, in trying to make a point, said to them, if another one comes…….The young lady responded immediately “if…..no if.’’ Thinking that she was probably saying, no if, we definitely want more, I decided to help her along and said, “not if, but when.” She looked at me with a smile on her face that seems to be saying, we are pretty sure, then quickly pointed to the young man and said, “we spoke about it and we have decided on no more.

When we got home, remembering my struggle in this regard, said to my husband. What is with this couple? Unless it is for monetary or health reasons (for us, we had both these reasons to contend with), what other right do they have to deny their daughter the chance of having a sibling. Let’s say that it is because she was traumatized by child birth (I know of one such case). From experience, Child-birth pain and trauma pales as your body heals and so, for me,  this is hardly an accepted excuse.

In my view, I believe any child with siblings around, makes them more rounded, with fuller lives, thus making them better placed adults and we have little right to deny them that.

What are your views?

image by:

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HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO YOU!!!!!

Throughout my struggles to conceive, many Valentine’s Day had me hoping that this would be the time I finally conceived, and so I would make the Day special for us. If I am not mistaken, I think our daughter was conceived somewhere around Valentine’s Day in 2011.

With this said, trying to conceive can be so consuming and leaves not much room for romance. Here are 8 creative ways designed to make things sizzle this Valentine’s Day, courtesy of Fertility Centers of Illinois.

Who knows, this might be well worth it.......

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Valentine’s Day While Trying to Conceive: Keeping the Romance Sizzling

Fertility Centers of Illinois Shares 8 Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship When Trying to Get Pregnant

Trying to have a baby can be, well, trying.

For couples trying to conceive, staying up-to-date on monitoring ovulation, charting basal body temperatures, and timing intimacy can take a steamy bedroom setting into the cold.

For couples pursuing fertility treatment, it is very common for emotional and physical intimacy to decrease. Going through fertility treatment can be emotional, grueling, and exhausting for couples. Life’s everyday challenges can cause any couple to hit bumps in the road. When infertility is added to the mix, couples may feel overwhelmed with how to overcome this challenge as a strong, balanced unit.

“Treatment can take couples through a rollercoaster of emotion,” explains Dr. Jane Nani of Fertility Centers of Illinois. “Couples find great help in speaking with a counselor, and often find their relationships are stronger at the end of the journey.”

It is important for couples to understand they are not alone. Working together equally during the entire process – learning about infertility, supporting each other, and making treatment decisions – will strengthen your relationship.

With a little creativity, couples can make a swift u-turn back to the romance they once had.

1.    Recall Your Most Romantic Moments

What was it that made you fall in love?  What were the most “swoon-worthy” moments? Close your eyes and imagine those moments all over again, but don’t keep them to yourself. Write a love note to your partner recalling the reasons and events that made you fall for him or her, and seal it with a kiss.

2.    Get Your Heart Pumping

Working out decreases stress, improves health and increases happiness. Go for a walk or hike together, or try a new physical activity together. Partner Yoga at Pulling Down the Moon on February 15^th is a perfect opportunity – couples of any experience level will learn how to stretch and breathe away stress, while reconnecting the body and mind – together. Learn more or register on their website.

3.    Set A Fun Goal Together

Want to have a weekly date night for the next month? Have you always wanted to ballroom dance? Want to finish a half marathon in the summer? Want to start a couple’s food and entertainment blog? Studies show that the more couples invest time in doing fun things together, the happier they are in the long-term. In the name of science and happiness, pick a fun goal that you can work towards together, and focus on achieving it.

4.    Mum’s the Word on Trying to Conceive

Taking a break from infertility talk can give you the strength to revisit treatment with new resolve and optimism. What you are going through as a couple can be tough, and everyone deserves a break. Make a 48-hour rule to take a break from infertility, and focus on fun instead.

5.    Get Out of Town

Changing your environment can shift your mental outlook, allowing the head space you need to gain perspective, release stress, and have fun. Take the weekend to ski in the Rocky Mountains, drink wine in Napa Valley, sit on the beach in Mexico, or surf the waves in Florida. Kick back, relax, and focus only on enjoying each moment together.

6.    Love Me Tender

See where your partner is truly at and what they need, both in life and in the treatment process. Infertility can affect your partner’s self-esteem and depending on the diagnosis, can make a man or women feel “defective” or “incomplete.” Discuss where you're at, what you need, and how you can help each other. If treatment has caused challenges, being tender and attentive can help put a relationship back in balance.

7.    Recreate A Movie Moment

Kiss under a full moon, hold hands as the sun sets, embrace in the middle of a rain storm, watch the clouds while holding hands during a picnic lunch. Who says that romantic movie moments can only star John Cusack or Ryan Reynolds? Make your own!

8.    Double Date

Spend some time with another couple -- preferably one without children.  Go on a double date, and spend the evening having fun together, discussing current events, upcoming travel plans, and the latest in entertainment.

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Fertility Centers of Illinois, S.C., is one of the nation's leading fertility treatment practices, providing advanced reproductive endocrinology services in the Chicago area for more than 30 years.  FCI physicians, embryologists and support staff are stringently chosen based on educational background, medical skills and their ability to collaborate. With a team of 10 nationally and internationally recognized reproductive physicians who treat thousands of patients each year, the practice has earned a reputation for overcoming hard-to-solve fertility issues. FCI is dedicated to medical and clinical excellence and continues to invest in the latest technologies and research. FCI offers a comprehensive range of fertility treatment options including intrauterine insemination, in vitro fertilization, donor egg, gestational carrier, and preimplantation genetic diagnosis, as well as extensive resources to address financial and emotional needs. Fostering a culture for continuous innovation has made FCI home to the annual Midwest Reproductive Symposium which attracts experts in the field of reproductive endocrinology from around the world.  FCI has 10 offices conveniently located throughout the Chicagoland area (Buffalo Grove, Chicago/River North, Crystal Lake, Glenview, Highland Park, Hoffman Estates, Lindenhurst, Naperville, Oakbrook Terrace, and Orland Park). FCI is a member of the Attain Fertility Network which provides discounted fertility treatment programs. For more information visit www.fcionline.com

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STRESS, DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ASSOCIATED WITH INFERTILITY

I hid my infertility struggles for most of the time that I struggled. My friends did not know how miserable, sad and lonely I was. The closest people to me, my family did not know either.

I hid it because I was ashamed of my inability to conceive, I did not want anyone to know me in my incompleteness. I hid my struggles because I did not want anyone to think that I was over-reacting because I did not know that the symptoms caused by my infertility were really very real and therefore could be embraced.

As I slowly but cautiously began to open up about my struggles, I heard comments such as: ‘I don’t know if I was in your position if I would be feeling as miserable as you are;' I had no use for God and I should live in the sunshine; I should search my life to see if there are un-confessed sins that I am being punished for; that I was stressing my husband out. I was so glad I had hidden my struggles for so long or I probably would have heard worst comments.

Can I still say that this post is not really about me? It is to examine up close, the various symptoms of infertility, why they happen and how you can get help in dealing with them.

See link below, courtesy of the Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Women’s Health for information in this regard:-

http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/specialty-clinics/infertility-and-mental-health/?gclid=CKS2xqrSpLUCFQ0GnQodKnAAIA

From the site

“Parenthood is one of the major transitions in adult life for both men and women. The stress of the non-fulfillment of a wish for a child has been associated with emotional sequelae such as anger, depression, anxiety, marital problems, sexual dysfunction, and social isolation. Couples experience stigma, sense of loss, and diminished self-esteem in the setting of their infertility (Nachtigall 1992). In general, in infertile couples women show higher levels of distress than their male partners (Wright 1991; Greil 1988); however, men’s responses to infertility closely approximates the intensity of women’s responses when infertility is attributed to a male factor (Nachtigall 1992). Both men and women experience a sense of loss of identity and have pronounced feelings of defectiveness and incompetence.”

http://www.mentalhelp.net/images/root/infertility.jpg?0.1536280284048676
image by:

GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS – Post 10

As a people, we are very ambitious and this is good, there can however be a downside to this, if we are not careful. We could find that we lose ourselves in pursuing self-advancement; a bigger degree for that bigger salary, a bigger house, a newer car, and find ourselves wondering, why are we not happy, why does our life feel so dull and empty. The thing is, we forget to be thankful for the little things that we already have, without which, our lives would not mean much. Our relationships, our health, our faith, our freedom, I could go on.

There are times in my life when I feel I could have achieved more in certain areas, and as a result I beat upon myself and take on a 'woe is me' attitude. Thankfully, I am soon reminded that less I be accused of being ungrateful, I do have many other things to be thankful for.

In my pursuit to become a more thankful and happier person, in general then, I am urged to add a new posting feature to my blog, a segment dedicated to being thankful, which I have decided to call ‘GRATEFUL WEDNESDAYS', my gratitude journal, if you will, where I will, on Wednesdays of each week, post one thing in my life that I am thankful for, regardless of how small. 

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Today I am grateful for good sense. As I understand it, we have 5 senses and I guess under that umbrella, we have common sense and then there is good sense (I hope I am making sense here). A popular saying goes, ‘let good sense prevail.’

Sometimes things happen to us and instead of responding, we choose to keep quiet, not because we are simple, or we are good at self sabotaging - allowing people to walk over us, but just in an effort to maintain reasonably healthy relationships. As the saying goes, ‘we take the high road.’ This is where I would think that good sense prevails.

For this, I am indeed grateful.

FOREVER GRATEFUL!!!!!!

Since I have not blogged for over 3 months, I cannot think of a better way to start blogging again, than to say how forever grateful I am to God for his favour, in allowing me to become a mom.

These past 3 months have been rough, diaper changes, sleep deprivation, throat infections, homework, and did I say sleep deprivation. Sometimes I am severely outnumbered children to adult ratio, because on occasions my husband’s niece comes over. I could easily complain of being overwhelmed or even seem ungrateful. I choose however to smile and count my blessings until I run out of fingers and toes, because I know that all this is part of the package.

On the bad days, during my decade long struggle with infertility, I would feel such despair as I am forced to process the thought of a life without children of my own. Ever since the arrival of our daughter,  It has been very surreal at times as I try to come to terms with the fact that we are parents of not one, but two children. 

The other night after my son fell asleep beside me and my daughter lay snuggled to my breast about to fall asleep, I could not help the emotions that overcame me, and I had to give thanks to God, one more time for his blessings. No longer does sex for us, involves getting the timing right, to maximize our chances to get pregnant. (‘Whoosh’ that was a piece of work).

Last Christmas Eve saw us hurrying the children off to bed so that we could wrap all the presents and have them ready for those anxious little fingers to open on Christmas Day and then I was forced to appreciate more, the age old story of Santa Claus.

The other day I saw a friend that I had not seen since the birth of our daughter. After exclaiming how big our daughter had become, without hesitation, went on to say,  ‘boy, nothing before the time eeh’

So what am I really then? Even if I sound like a scratch record, or corny, because I have written many posts like this one before, I am just encouraging those of us who are struggling with infertility or other issues in your lives and have been seeking God for answers and is now thinking that he has forgotten about you, to take heart, he does answers prayers, but in his own time.

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