When I was struggling with infertility and anyone I knew, told me that they were expecting, this was the moment I wished infertility was not such a silent private struggle. I wished everyone knew about my misery as a result of my infertility struggles, so that this could be taken into account before they break their happy news to me.
When I became pregnant with my son, it was so difficult to break this news to anyone I knew who was struggling with infertility and so they were among the last to know that I was expecting and this was after much rehearsing of how I would break the news to them.
So, when and how do you break your pregnancy news to your infertile friends. There is no best time or best way I would think, because infertility sadly, do causes us to be jealous of anyone around us who are pregnant. I waited however, until I was way into my second trimester before I broke this news. I felt in doing this, my friends would appreciate and accept that I was not too quick to break this news to them, when I knew that they were yearning so much to be in the position I was. I also felt, this delay would make them realise that I am quite in touch with their feelings, as one who have suffered from infertility as well and has firsthand knowledge of the emotional issues involved, in this regard and was taking this time to process my strategy.
Infertility does have the potential to impact negatively on friendships, as the emotional pain and loneliness that result, causes us to retreat into ourselves, thus withdrawing from the people who mean the most to us. I remember I used to communicate a lot with a friend who was also struggling with infertility. It was so refreshing to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. I remember many times in our conversations, she would relate incidents to me about her interaction with people as it relates to her infertility struggles, and always, at the end of her stories, she would say, ‘people just don’t understand. I cherished those conversations so much. When I had my son however, I called her, her husband answered the phone and after talking for a little with him, I asked if I could talk to her, she told her husband to tell me that she could not come to the phone at the moment. I also invited her to my son’s christening and she said because of a prior engagement, she could not attend. Her husband attended alone. If these incidents had anything to do with her feeling jealous of me, somehow it did not matter, because thankfully I was at a place of total understanding of the fact that infertility can do these crazy things to us.
This is my way of dealing with this issue but I do welcome your contribution by way of comments/advice, because I know that some of us have found ourselves in this uncomfortable position.